1 year ago

Updated: Nov 4, 2020

One year ago on October 31 was my first major run-in with my psychosis. I believed people were trying to get me in trouble in all areas of my life. I started drinking all day to keep these beliefs at bay. It only made it worse. I believed deeply everyone was against me.

A year ago my world started to change. I started to isolate myself more because people wouldn’t understand what I was going through. People would call me crazy. I always had these paranoid thoughts but they were louder and I could hear them now. The world I built was around ignoring these thoughts and hiding them.

A year ago a doctor sat in front of me and asked what I was running from. I spent time analyzing and ruminating over this comment. It puzzled me.

It was after my mom died that I realized my thoughts were no longer coherent. I was no longer able to “think”. My thoughts and behavior became very disorganized and incoherent.

Something in me changed a year ago, I look at pictures and don’t recognize myself. I now know what was going on and I respect myself and this journey I’ve embarked on. I hid myself and my struggle at all costs. I now accept it. I’m relearning how to live each day with schizoaffective disorder. I am Tre.

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